This is such a pattern for me. I always seem to find things which are so much more important than learning the skills of balance which I seek. I long for healthy routines but get lost in the next big project or event. When these distractions no longer work I move to more destructive things, buy cialis like endless TV, computers and so on.
Part of my goal in developing this site was to get back into the habit of writing, so I can continue a book I started years ago. Yet, it has been 2 months since my last post. It is no wonder my book has gone unfinished.
I am surprised by how easily I become bored with things which really matter to me. Yet, things with no real value will hold my interest for years. I have watched the same show for much of my life. I have allowed General Hospital to take time away from my children, my studies, my writing, healthy eating habits, exercise and so on. The only reason it is still apart of my day is it requires nothing from me. No thought, no energy, no real connection.
I have now added Facebook, texting and web surfing to this list of distractions. With Netflix I can spends days binge watching a series. At times this downtime is needed as a way to recharge, but for the most part I have been using it to develop habits of laziness.
The goal of this experiment is to have an awareness of how I get in my own way when it comes to finding success in the things which matter to me. One thing I am realizing is that my spark for life is gone. The passion which has always inspired and motivated me to the next push in my life has faded. I have lost my faith, my trust and my hope; thus becoming the thing which I fear most. I have become apathetic.
There is so much information out there. Yet, so much of it is just mind candy. It will keep the mind filled with useless information. A little of this is fine, but as we continue to find more ways to add bits and pieces of information into our lives it is setting a dangerous way of viewing the world. The political system, poverty, crime, mental illness, homelessness and other serious issues get lost in the endless clutter. It all seems so big and someone else’s fault and problem.
Wasting all this time allows me to not take responsibility for myself or have the energy to work towards real meaningful solutions towards these issues. I can continue to make it someone else’s problem.
Sometimes holding up that mirror sucks!